he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
