THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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