Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So much Jack, so little girl.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
