I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
