She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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