i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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