no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
