I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
