wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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