arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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