I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Congratulations! We have a period
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