You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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