are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
