That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
