I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
