Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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