I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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