u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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