i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
