if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Barsexuality is the new black.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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