im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
