just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
