i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
