what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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