Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
