Why is your signature on my underwear?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
