who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
