a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
