Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
