Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
