a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
