But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
