so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
