i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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