Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
