We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
