I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
