He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
