She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
