I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
