im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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