The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
