Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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