You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
