Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
