think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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