Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
