I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
