yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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