Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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