when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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