some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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