Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
