So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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