Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
