I want to have your abortion
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
