Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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